There seems to be an unwritten rule in committed relationships; that couples should sleep in the same bed and that if they don’t sleep together each night, something is wrong with their relationship. But is this in fact true? According to the National Sleep Foundation Poll, 1 in 4 couples sleep in separate beds. It’s assumed that sleeping separately will help them sleep better, and in some cases this can definitely be the case. However sleeping together is known to increase intimacy and connection for couples, so before taking the step of sleeping separately, here’s five things to consider:
Sound asleep or snoring loudly?
Are you choosing to sleep separately because of snoring? If so, that’s completely understandable. However if you want to sleep together, there are ways that snoring can be remedied and lessened. It’s recommended that the snorer visits a health professional to get to the bottom of the problem … this may save you from sleeping separate after all!
How healthy is your relationship?
Are you choosing to sleep separately to have a better night’s sleep? Or are you choosing to sleep separately because you’re unconsciously over your relationship? This is a good question to ponder, both individually and as a couple. If you’re relationship isn’t heading in the direction you dreamt it would, and you’re feeling unhappy, then sleeping separately is only going to make things worse.
Do you need to make your bedroom feel better and change the energy in the space so that you both love it? In some cases, one partner can takeover and make the bedroom all about them, then the other partner doesn’t like how it feels and instead of saying anything, begins to sleep in the spare room. If this is the case, come together as a couple and redecorate and declutter the bedroom so that you both love it! This way you will both feel happy and enjoy sleeping in the space.
Do you both have the same sleep routine and value good sleep? In partnership we can often have differing values to our partners, which can cause a separateness. To make things easier, have a discussion about what you both expect when it comes to bedtime routines. Some couples love going to bed together, some don’t see this as important. If you both come to an understanding about what each of you expect, guaranteed you will both feel happier and more inclined to want to sleep next to each other.
And lastly, if you do choose to sleep in separate beds, what is your intention? As a couple it’s recommended that you are both on the same page, and that you both feel good about the decision. If you are both happy not to sleep together, then this can only be a positive move for you both.
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About the writer
Juliet Allen is a Sexologist, Coach, Tantra Practitioner and host of the Authentic Sex podcast. With a reputation for her bold and straight-to-the-point manner, Juliet facilitates 1:1 coaching sessions, educative workshops, and transformative online courses. Juliet’s purpose is to empower men and women to embrace their sexuality and transform their sex and relationships.